Comic 6 - Coke Zero

Comic 5 - Moral Melee

Comic 4 - Beatless

Comic 3 - ... and Piss Drunk

Comic 2 - Petite Pal

Comic 1 - Crack Addict

...*Pregnant Pause*...

I think I have only one regular reader, and I believe he is from the Hunan province in China (well actually I don’t know if he is a spammer or a reader, but I am going to go on a limb and tell you that I think Chinese people are used to expressing their appreciation of your writing by offering to sell you pills that treat erectile dysfunction and I think that is highly considerate. So...) Benevolent Sir, this article is directly addressed to you. My Willy and I are very thankful for your kind offers and persevering readership of my blog and we would like to apologize that the blog has not been updated recently. I don’t like to issue lame excuses so I would like to issue an able-bodied one.

As you may have noticed, my writing and updating of the blog of late has literally come to a pregnant pause. (By the word “literally” I actually mean “literally” and not “figuratively”. When most people use the word “literally” nowadays, they don’t use it in the literal sense of the word at all; they are literally using the figurative meaning of the word, which is “figuratively”.) This is to say that, I have stopped writing because of all the pregnant people in the world. A lot of people I know are getting in and out of pregnancy and it is out of love and concern for all these expecting mothers and the developing fetuses that I have stopped writing. I know you might already be thinking this is all bullshit but I really mean it, I can’t write if people won’t stop reproducing.

You know how they say pregnant women should not smoke, drink or consume caffeine. I think more importantly pregnant women should not laugh. It all occurred to me when I was with a cousin who was pregnant and we were watching a funny movie together and she was literally (figuratively) rolling on the floor laughing and it made me strangely uncomfortable. See, if you examine the dynamics of laughing, there is an alternating contraction and expansion of the chest cavity and the diaphragm, your abdomen goes into moderately rapid spasms. The entire upper body resonates at a funny frequency. In my head, this should in the uterus simulate the action of taking the baby and shaking it vigorously, much like a bottle of tonic. And I don’t think it is advisable to do that. I am sure that when rappers of poor quality say “Shake that, baby” they are saying it figuratively (literally). I mean they are not really asking you to violently agitate infants; and also note the punctuation.

I attempt humor and when people read my blog they laugh (whether, they laugh at the humor or the attempt is a discussion that is not relevant here.) and I don’t want to be the reason people shake babies, even if they are sheikh babies. So if I have to start writing again, I have to wait till people stop becoming pregnant. So if you like my writing, please keep your fingers (and probably your legs) crossed.

Thank you.

P.S - Additionally Sir, if you would not pass around erectile dysfunction pills, that might also help towards the cause.

Social Awareness Quiz - Answers

Now all the dolphins and tsunami is saved.

1. d
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuhCTGimQ58#t=56s)
2. c
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QKmO-_Jte4#t=3m20s)
3. b
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLwLLqO-6vE#t=1m3s)
4. b
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ol4mO7hg9w&feature=related#t=6m0s)
5. d
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Basm_nxx7kY#t=1m15s)
6. c
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DqdXjC_vaA#t=25s)
7. b
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJt-CkklPrY#t=2m42s)
8. a
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvdAJw730fQ&feature=related#t=10s)
9. c
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L63xacpuSTo#t=4m53s)
10. d
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vp-YItRv6f8#t=48s)
11. d
(http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/comedy/watch/v6990499fNZFJfKd)
12. d
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wB4Ijs0k-5U#t=25s)
13. d
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8BVJRNaGvc#t=1m19s)
14. c
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peMiDNOliBU#t=4m28s)
15. d 
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvdAJw730fQ&feature=related)
16. d
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ssUfAMD4qQ&p=B9AB7F06B139B94A&playnext=1&index=20#t=1m35s)
17. d
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF32KNUf2X4&feature=related#t=5m)
18. d
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tARSE7nv1oU#t=1m01s)
19. d
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-N_NSIX6oQ#t=2m32s)
20. d
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZC6JpL_rAY#t=22s)

Social Awareness Quiz

Its all about saving the baby foxes and curing the incurable diseases

1. Which of the following is a place in Dubai?
a. Api thaapi
b. Bekrin
c. Saarcha
d. All of the above

2. If you dont have "own mani" where should you get kadan?
a.Settu
b.Bank
c. Gaan
d. Pattani

3. Which of the following is the correct tarrif to work for 3 days with eyes open?
a. 3 Rupees
b. 30 Rupees
c. 300 Rupees
d. 1 Crore Rupees

4. Consumption of which of the following causes stain on the teeth?
a. Varakaapi
b. Tar
c. Puliyangottai
d. Karichatti

5. Which of the following is a characteristic property of Ramaiah?
a. Putting thanni and making gallata
b. Partial hair growth on head
c. Putting forest buffalo leg on spouse while sleeping
d. All of the above

6. What will Annan get for you from Sandhai?
a. Bomma Car and Bomma Rail
b. Panjumuttai and Peppermintu
c. Kuchimittai and Kuruvirotti
d. Sandai

7. Due to new law proposed by Chandhrababu Naidu what has replaced the Laddu in Thirupathi?
a. Baadhusha
b. Jilebi
c. Jaangiri
d. Michchar

8. Where should the Sattni be boot?
a. Next to Itli
b. On the Itli
c. Next to Dosai
d. On the Dosai

9. Who is in the bathroom?
a. Gajol
b. Aiswarya Rai
c. Mumtaj
d. Silpa Shetty

10. How do you say "Poo"?
a. Poo
b. Puipam
c. Neenga solra madri
d. All of the above

11. Which of the following is the responsibilty of the Aan Singam?
a. Hitting and dragging the Varikudurai
b. Watching National Geographic
c. Putting the kutti
d. Helping

12. Who should ask?
a. Nee
b. Nee
c. Muruga Nee
d. All of the above

13. Where should you poos?
a. Inge
b. Left-le
c. Back-le
d. All of the above

14. If your partner is a growing boy, what is the appropriate food stuff for you to consume?
a. Biriyani
b. Leg piece
c. Kuska
d. Crow

15. What is in the rain?
a. Sing
b. Swaaing
c. Swaaaa
d. All of the above
 

16. What are accepted justifications for me to give the letter today?
a. Following for 6 month
b. Put new perphim
c. Put new cooling glass
d. All of the above

17. What does Pattani want?
a. Milk (Paal adai lam pottu kalki)
b. Milk Bikki (Odambku nalladhe)
c. Karuvadu (Achcha karuvad, manam gunam niraindadhu)
d. None of the above

18. Which of the following skills are our sondhakaranga profecient in?
a. Jumping
b. Lowying
c. Diving
d. All of the above

19. What sort of latchiyam may require one to leave from home with a Koodai of Karuvaadu
a. To make kolambu of all the Karuvaadu and consume it
b. Wash clothes
c. Shoot dosai and omelette
d. To love a girl and marry her

20. Which of the following is expected to happen in the future.
a. Appearing in sarithram
b. Keeping of selai
c. Notes being taken by students
d. All of the above

Bonus Question - Sooriyana suttadhu yaar?


Please review your answers carefully before proceeding.
Now go ahead and do not submit your answers, because you cant.
So, do the radio buttons do anything? No.
Is that it? Yes.
What's the point? Saving the baby foxes and all, have you even been listening?


Answers to the questions along with references can be found here

My article for an Elephant matrimonial website.

I work closely with a matrimonial website for elephants. Here is my latest post I wrote for them that addresses an important social issue.

Calf Marriage - A social concern among Indian elephants


At elephant matrimony, we provide a novel digital portal for pachyderms to find their soul mates and involve in the blissful social contract of marriage. However, apart from pimping elephants we also are keen in taking steps towards addressing key social issues and project ourselves as being socially aware and a little holier than thou.

The Indian elephant (Elephas maximus indicus), more commonly known as the "Elifend (or Yelifend)" in the southern states of India, was traditionally considered to be a very conservative animal with a tenuous grip on cultural and moral values. But with the tempestuous influence of modernization, the modern elifend has transgressed all boundaries and to the point that it has been implicated in cross-border terrorism. The modern elifend is no longer chained to the confines of temples in Kerala, eating bananas and begging for alms. The modern day elifend can be found eating peanuts in zoos in San Diego and in circuses in Las Vegas. However despite this modernization, the elifend is still known to hold on to its core cultural values and does not offer pre-marital nookie to the horny "tusky" bull-elifends.

In this day and age where elephants have progressed to ocean swimming and using guns, it is quite sad that we are still plagued by social stigmata from our past. One such social issue is that of calf marriage. In jungles of India, many calves are married off in a tender age even before they have started tusking. Some wedlocks are made when the animal is still in the womb. Given that elifends are pregnant for about 2 years, pregnant cows are made to participate in cruel "swayamvars" where all other elifends have fun at their expense. Given that pregnant elifends cant drink or smoke already, it would be a mammoth torture for them to tolerate all this.

(Baby elifend Surulirajan distraught after calf marriage)

Calf marriages are even often  rigid business contracts and violation of such contracts bonds the offender to cruel punishments such as offering the partner's family a lifetime of free back-rubs during afternoon mud baths. Conditions are even more difficult for she-calves who have to also provide dowries to the male elifend's family. Dowries can range from the nominal comb of bananas to exorbitant gifts such as fancy vehicles.

(Bridegroom elifend Manmadharajan enjoying new found wealth from dowries)

We at elephant matrimony are strongly against calf marriage. Which is why we demand age proof to ensure that every elifend, registered be of legal age of marriage. We also mail pink elifend underwear to elifend swayamvars and as gifts to calf-marriages. But strangely little baby elifends seem to like the pink underwear. (A German expert suggested that we mail them bananas with needles stuck in them, but before the plan was consolidated he became busy on a mission to kill an octopus.)  Our steps may be slow, but they are steady (much like that of an elifend).

Not to blow our own trumpets but we would like to encourage every other animal matrimony site to also be aware of such social issues in the animal kingdom. Which is why we urge our sister concern Spider Matrimony to swiftly address the issue of Black Widow remarriage before it spins its vicious web around all other animals in the animal kingdom.

Lets encourage poaching, but only poaching of eggs. (well it is a healthier option!)